Tuesday, November 11, 2008

I'm working on three ads to place in our local paper.  Tell me what you think:

Absolutely free: One pure-bred Golden Retriever male, 8 years old.  Stubborn, insistent, and rude.  Destroys furniture, sheds incessantly, and will relieve himself on flooring whenever he feels like it.  Barks for no reason, and continuously until let in.  Regularly offends people by going between their legs to get attention, of which he can never get enough.

Absolutely free: One German Shepherd mix female, 7 years old.  Barks viscously at all people, although too scared to ever actually get near them.  She will never get close enough for you to pet her, and will piss herself if you try.  Enjoys rawhide bones, which result in massive bouts of diarrhea in the house.

Absolutely free: One pure-bred boxer male, 4 years old.  Barks at nothing whenever outside, and will only come in if bribed.  Whines incessantly in the morning until let out, starting as early as 6am.  When pissing in the house, although not frequent, prefers to do so in a long, winding stream so as to make it very difficult to clean up.  Eats anything and everything he can find.  But, not to worry, you will see it again, as he pukes up the contents of his stomach two-three times a week, always in a corner.

OK, so truthfully, we can't get rid of our dogs.  We love them too much.  But holy HELL, they're difficult.


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